Parenting is a journey filled with joy, laughter, and love. But it’s also a journey that challenges us to navigate big emotions, both our own and our children’s.
As parents, we often want to “fix” things for our kids, to shield them from pain, and to make their challenges disappear. But what if the most powerful way to support them is through authentic connection?
My Journey with Authentic Relating
My youngest son is a ball of energy, a vibrant spirit who thrives on connection. When he’s not getting the attention he needs, his behavior reflects it. He acts up, seeks attention, and pushes boundaries.
Yesterday, I picked him up from school, and I noticed those familiar signs. I was fully present with him, so I knew something was up. When I asked him about it, he said nothing was wrong and he didn’t want to talk.
My instinct was to dig deeper. My own discomfort with his unspoken emotions urged me to push. But then, I caught myself. I realized I was prioritizing my own needs over his.
I took a step back and honored his choice not to share.
Later that evening, his behavior flared up again. This time, I shared my observation with him. “I’m noticing you’re in that space that says you need attention, but you have my full attention. I’m confused, and I care about you.”
That’s when he opened up. He shared that his girlfriend had broken up with him that day at school.
From Fixing to Feeling
My heart ached for him. I immediately felt his pain, remembering my own experiences with heartbreak. My first instinct was to cheer him up, to offer solutions, to “fix” it.
But then, another memory surfaced. I recalled my own first heartbreak, the deep sadness and loneliness I felt, and how I had pretended not to care. I had masked my true feelings, convinced that I needed to be “cool” and unaffected.
This time, I chose a different path. I shared my own experience with my son, acknowledging the pain and validating his feelings. I resisted the urge to fix it and simply allowed him to feel.
The Power of Witnessing
So often, our human conditioning tells us to “cheer up” or “move on” when someone is experiencing difficult emotions. But what we truly crave is to be seen, heard, and witnessed in our pain.
That’s exactly what I offered my son. I sat with him in his sadness, acknowledging his experience without judgment. I reminded him that these feelings would pass, that he wasn’t alone, and that I loved him unconditionally.
Authentic Connection in Parenting
This is the essence of authentic relating in parenting. It’s about:
- Being present: Truly being there for your child, both physically and emotionally.
- Welcoming all emotions: Creating a safe space for your child to express their full range of feelings.
- Resisting the urge to fix: Trusting that your child has the inner resources to navigate their own emotions.
- Sharing your own experiences: Modeling vulnerability and authenticity.
- Connecting heart-to-heart: Creating a deep and loving bond built on trust and understanding.
Authentic relating is not about being a perfect parent; it’s about showing up authentically and creating a space for genuine connection with your child.
Ready to explore the power of authentic relating in your parenting journey? Join us for our FREE online events or download any of our FREE guides to begin your journey into authentic parenting.
